I have a confession to make. I am a nyctophiliac. What’s that? A nyctophiliac is someone who has a condition called Nyctophilia. Now, what is Nyctophilia?
You may have heard of Nyctophobia, which is a fear of the dark. Nyctophilia is the opposite of that, love of the dark. The Nyctophilia meaning is something not many people are familiar with, which is not surprising at all. Let’s define nyctophilia first, before I tell you more about the condition.
Nyctophilia Definition: “Love of darkness or night; finding relaxation and comfort in the darkness.” Nyctophilia is a Greek word. It means, “friend of the dark”.
Well, a lot of people have told me that I am an insomniac. An insomniac is someone who has difficulty sleeping at night. But I have realized over time that I am not just an insomniac. Insomnia is a physical condition, not a psychological one. Nyctophilia, on the other hand, is purely a psychological condition.
Many say that nyctophiliacs are sexually aroused by the dark. Is that true? Well, yes and no. I like darkness, but I am not always sexually aroused by it. I just love it for what it is. It gives me a sense of relief and it makes me happy.
So what about the Nyctophilia symptoms? Okay, to help you understand Nyctophilia symptoms, I should reveal some uncomfortable details of my life.
Every night, I try to sleep at 10 pm. I take sleeping pills such as Klonopin and get myself a good book to read. When I do fall asleep, at around 10:30 pm or 10:45 pm, I find myself waking up at 12:00 am sharp, as fresh as the day, as though I’ve been asleep for 9 hours.
I am wide awake at this time and no matter what I do, I cannot go to sleep. Unlike an insomniac, who would turn the lights on and perhaps watch TV, that’s the last thing on my mind. I just want to sit in the bedroom chair in the dark, all alone, with just darkness as my company.
I love the darkness, it makes me happy. I feel a sense of relief as I sit in the dark and listen to the sound of the clock ticking by. I know it’s not good for me to stay awake like this, like a ghost, in complete darkness. I tell that to myself several times and often I try my very best to sleep.
That is when I get those dreams. Those horrible dreams. The nightmares. I find myself in impossible situations, either getting tortured like Mel Gibson in Braveheart or dying of a dreadful disease, like a child affected by the Ebola virus in Africa.
Sleeping is nothing short of hell for me, but I always will myself to sleep no matter how hard it gets. Because when I don’t get the sleep I need, I find myself trying to catch a nap at work, which is dangerous and could get me fired.
Nyctophilia has made my life very difficult, but I have survived and I am confident that I will be able to live through it. The problem is, there is not much information about this condition. Even the psychologists that I have met are not aware of the Nyctophilia meaning. Most of them end up misdiagnosing me, which makes it worse.
This website is an effort on my part to share what I am going through with the whole world and to connect with others who have this condition as well. I am sure a lot of you feel the same way as I do, and would love it if you would share your story with me. Just shoot me an email or write a comment below, I will be sure to get back to you.